Metamorphosis

Hopefully soon! If everything goes as plan!

Going on my calf :3

This semester is almost at a close and it’s shocking to realize that I’ll be taking +3000 and +4000 level courses. Just the fact that I can remember my freshmen year and how different it was is shocking. I can’t believe how old I’m getting. I’m turning 20 in January. Losing the teenage dreams and way of life. But I’m a teenager at heart, and there’s no hiding that. It’s not even December yet, but I plan on big things for this upcoming year. It is, after all, a big milestone in my life. I’m cutting things and people out of my life. Apologizing to some people, making amends, rebuilding bridges, cutting ties, and loving myself a lot more. And hopefully have some ink done! 

Hopefully I’ll pass all my classes this semester, especially biology. That’ll be amazing and will bring a HUGE lift off my shoulders. All I need is a C, it’s do-able, just takes some extra studying and my mind on track! 

I plan on getting a job as well. It’s been almost three years since I’ve had a job and I’m almost twenty. There’s no way I can depend on my parents any longer. I’m not sixteen anymore. It’s time to wake up. 

Hopefully forming a band called Arcanine. Yes, after the Pokemon. This will be a fun way to just meet new people, express my thoughts, and get some anger out. I’m getting bored of watching bands have all the fun, it’s my turn! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Arcanine/145237678834596 < Go like us and tell your friends! Music soon, hopefully!

As far as everything goes, this semester has been a bit stressful but it’s almost over. Next semester will be no different. I lasted this far with no sign of giving up. I can’t give up. To throw away my dreams is something I’ve never done. There’s a light at every tunnel and I plan on searching for it, even during the darkest times. Giving up is a sign of weakness, and that, I am not. 

As I walk to class each and every day, I look around at my surroundings and watch people interacting with one another. Some in a positive attitude, others more in a flirtatious aspect, and some in a fun-loving sense of humor. I can feel them all burning a hole in my confidence. And for a second, I am nothing. And then I look up and realize I’m everything I’ve ever wanted to be. 

No one should be able to bring you down to their level. It’s their level. You have your own level and you should maintain that at all costs. You are nothing without your dignity, virtues, loyalty, honor, and glory. When people take them away from you, you are a slave to your body and your soul is gone. You can never get your innocence back. Cherish every moment you have with yourself. Each one of us is unique. No one should judge you for any other reason. Don’t follow a trend, start one. Don’t be a follower, lead the way. Dive with lungs full of air and ready to dive deeper. Look for things, tear things apart, create something different. Our bodies are just vessels. We are so much more than what we view ourselves as, and when you realize this, you will reach a whole new nirvana. You will be happier. You will live. You will realize that you’re alive, and that’s the most important thing. Just breathe and take your steps wisely yet dangerously. Live your life. 

in the end, we’re all just scared to love. 

We somehow cannot grasp the concept of steady feet,
we dance amongst our sins which only brings us to our knees.
I can’t say I’m any better cause I’ve been her a time or two before.
But I lie…
Cause I’m a stubborn fuck who keeps coming back even though I am shit out of luck.
Let’s see what tonight throws up.
Maybe a lung, maybe a slew of tongues, maybe some old fashioned lonesome.
Really, its you who keeps dragging me back by my larynx and my lack of common sense.
Everyone has been dying to have you but I’ve been the only one killing for it.
Line ‘em up, one by one.
Hell hath no waste like us.
Ain’t being empty fun?
It eats it’s way right through your head, so you never remember the nights we spend.
We are all victims to some form of chemical bliss,
but I think deep down you really need it.
Kill off this desire, before it kills me first.
Unload whats left in the clip,
Really, its you who keeps dragging me back by my larynx and my lack of common sense.
Everyone has been dying to have you but I’ve been the only one killing for it.
Line ‘em up, one by one.
So stick me I am done

I’ll start believing in a God when I start believing in myself. 

“I hate people”

“I hate everyone”

“Everyone should die”

These phrases seem to be the common trend for us nowadays. I really hope that the people who use them are directing them towards themselves as well because there is no way that, for reasons beyond our control, we cannot control our OWN behavior. We judge, we lie, we have a list of behavior assets that cannot be controlled. We are human. 

Ask yourself this, would you enjoy life if everyone was the same?” Someone with a different point of view as me may say yes, but personally I would hate it. I enjoy the different sizes, shapes, colors, cultures, peculiarities , and various hypocritical mindsets. It makes the world an interesting place to live in. Life would be boring. If you say life is boring now, you are incredibly incorrect. There are so many beautiful things going on in this world, we are just blinded by the computer screen, our cellular phones, and our iPods. If we shut everything off and took a walk down a trail in a forest, look around and see how life works. Doesn’t interest you? Go on the computer and type in things that interest you. This is why our Earth is gorgeous. We take so many things for granted. 

You have a significant other? You have clothes on your back and shoes on your feet? Clean water? A roof? Can you read this sentence? You have it a lot better than most people in our world. Be grateful for the things you have now rather than the things you want now. 

The point I actually want to get at is, why judge each other? Yes, I do it. But I talk about it and ask myself why as well. The words we say, the actions we perform, the ignorance we believe in controls our emotions. Hell, it even controls our peer’s emotions. Simply, think before you speak. I’ve gotten so much better with this and I’m so proud. There were various instances I can name off my head (as a matter in fact, tonight) for where I left my thoughts floating in my head rather than share them with someone who may be hurt by them. Some things can be interpreted in the negative connotation, and we hurt the ones we love. Not even the ones we love. We constantly hate on strangers. Define a stranger. Then realize you’re a stranger to yourself as well. You don’t know everything about yourself and you certainly don’t know everything about everyone. We are too quick to judge now and interpret later. People have internal struggles and secret lives. We hold our secrets tightly and one small word can simply push us off the edge and it can have drastic consequences. We aren’t the same, but we are all special in our own way. Our tough guy exterior and “I-don’t-care-for-anyone” attitude is just a shell we cover ourselves with so we can hide from the dark places. Those dark places define us. Those dark places tell us that we are alive. Be careful what you say about others, I know damn well you wouldn’t want the same or similar thing said about you.