Metamorphosis

It’s funny how I wished for this attention every day of my life since middle school and now I don’t want it anymore. It’s like a leech and it’s sucking every piece of life and energy out of me. I can’t function any normal thoughts anymore. I don’t know what I want and it’s killing me every day. 

All I ever wanted was to be happy and now I don’t think that is possible anymore. 

I need to get my mind off of things. Or be sent to a psychiatrist. 

myself that I was going to the beach for solitude. I have yet to go to the beach this summer. I want to meet new people. 

I’m so used. And it’s starting to be such a routine now. I used to be happy, but now I’m not. Sometimes, I wonder how life would be without you entering it. Nothing is really as it seems. I hate putting on fake smiles and fake personalities so everyone else around me can be happy. I’m so ready to stay in Tampa for 8 months. It isn’t me who needs a reality check. It’s everyone in Sarasota who needs one. 

I was a bird. I can fly away and visit areas that no one can find. Be in complete solitude and free. I could land and be peaceful wherever I go, knowing that I don’t have a care in the world. No worries, regrets, cares, lies, forgetfulness, disasters, fakes, altercations, hypocrites. A complete care free world. Will I ever get that chance to fly, free? Never. As long as I’m human, I’m stuck in this world. They say freedom isn’t free, you have to lose or gain something in order to receive freedom. But when you’re afraid to lose or gain something (or someone), you risk not receiving freedom. It’s just something in my brain in which I can’t share a damn thing with anyone, but rather anything. AnyTHING won’t judge you, or talk back to you, give you advice, provide an answer or solution. AnyTHING will just be an enigma, plain, dead, nonliving, inanimate. That’s the beauty of things, they’ll never turn their backs on you or act appalled, act like you’re wrong. They just stand there and take it. Oh, the beauty of things.